Yep, it’s the morning after that last Unsent Letter. And I’m already feeling heavy at the moment. I am such a mess.
Last night, I felt this really sharp pain piercing through my chest. I’ve heard of that pain, they say it feels excruciating up to the point that it would seem like someone is crushing your heart inside one’s fist. At first I thought that that pain is ridiculous, or maybe they were describing it poetically. But after last night, I realized all those tales are true after all. That pain was different from all the others that I have felt before – it was off-the-charts, agonizing, and completely fucking crazy.
But I did not cry. I was just laughing at this feeling that I thought had never really existed. “This pain is real,” is what I would tell myself while laughing inside.
I did not cry because I spent my evening shower with a pail of water and a bucket of tears. Yes, it was another trigger night. I cried after that last Unsent Letter. It was a good cry. It was enough for one night of pain. As to until when I’ll keep crying? I have no idea. I have no intention of making myself stop because I believe that pain has to be felt in order for it to be eliminated. It has to be engulfed by your system and you should drown in it so the next time you get out of that pool of tears, you will come out stronger, tougher, and a better person.
That’s all for this morning. 🙂 I hope you are doing well despite the rains and the possibly-but-quite-surely bad traffic.