Paano?

Paano ba mag-move on?

Papaka-lango sa alak? Humithit ng ilang stick ng yosi? Magpaka-sasa sa pagkain?

Hindi ko alam paano magsisimula, kasi hindi ko nga alam na tapos na, e. I am still scared to face the reality na wala na siya sa’kin – hindi na siya sa’kin. I can no longer call her “Babe”. I can no longer go to her office and surprise her with food. I can no longer send her flowers (and she’ll text with surprised-happy all caps). I can no longer tell her how much I miss her. I can no longer tell her how much I love her. I can no longer call her my girlfriend and be proud of it.

Masakit, oo. Masakit na masakit. Sa kanya ko natutunang magmahal nang tunay – walang inaasahang kapalit; ‘yung pagmamahal na hitik na hitik. I guess all good things must come to an end. Kasi oo, we were a good thing. We were such a good thing that I thought we’d be invincible, wala kaming pagdadaanan na hindi namin kakayanin.

Simula magkakilala kami hanggang sa maghiwalay kami, I know I did things right. Binigay ko lahat hanggang kaya ko, and I was very selfless towards her (I would consider myself selfish, at times) up to our break up. Hindi ko ata kakayaning pakawalan na lang bigla-bigla ang taong minahal ko ng mahigit isang taon (it might sound short to you, but to me it felt like I’ve known her my whole life), but because I loved her enough to let her go so she’ll be happy, I did. I did, and it‘s fucking breaking my heart.

I can easily say that she was the best eighteen (plus three?) months of my life, but this heartbreak is also easily the worst.

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