Independence has always played a big role in my life. It is probably due to the fact that I don’t have any siblings and that all of the attention of my parents is on me, I crave for more independence than I am already granted. I feel the need to prove to people (but mostly just to my parents) that I can do everything on my own already. For the past couple of months I have been feeling very independent. But actually when I think about it, I have just become reliant on other things.
I rely on my best friend whenever I’m in a deep quandary that I don’t think I can face alone. I would tell her everything that I feel and would pour my heart out to her. She would help me get over it and support me through the process of handling it properly. She knows my weaknesses and assists me to not fall into a trap I would probably dig for myself.
I rely on my cigarettes. They help keep me awake whenever I’m driving in the wee hours of the morning. Every stick constitutes a certain high or relief that helps in relinquishing the bits of stress I would experience on a day-to-day basis. The effect of nicotine on me is a sure fire way that would aid me to get back on my feet and continue with the good things happening and forget the negative ones.
I rely on my eyeglasses. I tried not to wear it for a couple of hours and my head sends my world spinning like I was just on a roller coaster. I need it so my vision would not become blurry and no headaches ensue from it. I need it for driving, eating, writing, reading, and so much more. I already need it all the time. And there are a lot other things that I have been becoming reliant to.
I now see myself as dependent to these things and I don’t feel good about it. I thought that to be independent, I should be able to resolve things on my own. To be independent, I should be able to shut everyone out and do things by myself. But then I remembered the old saying, “No man is an island.” I figured – independence is different from being lonely. With being lonely, you can become miserable having no answers to your problems. You can often feel flustered and frustrated because of the problems you bear and carry alone. But with being independent you learn how to deal with your problems properly and knowing what things can make or break you – you get to know yourself even better and discover things you’ve never known about yourself before. You now appreciate more things than you have ever had. You now become more grateful of the smallest things because they matter to you – and they just do. You enjoy things much better and have a better life in general. Independence comes with freedom – you are freed from the things that tie you down and rejoice in the fact that you can handle yourself, with or without the help of certain things. You are freed from the idea of not knowing how to make things sail better (for you). You know your better version, and you know how to get there.