As cliché as it may sound, it’s not her, it’s me.
I was the reason she broke up with another man. I was the reason she came out to her parents. I was the reason she sacrificed her monthly allowance for. I was the reason for everything.
I confessed to her about me not being the most faithful person, but she’s different. I wasn’t really into monogamy, but all that changed. She was the reason.
I warned her about my overbearing libido – that my body mostly controls my mind. But the first time we made love and connected with each other, everything fell into place. I do not sleep around anymore and she was the reason.
I had to be overseas for three years because of work. I confined myself within the four walls of my apartment to set my life apart from all the temptation lurking around. I kept to myself and did not stop thinking about her. I have changed. She was the reason.
I left my work to come home and be with her. I couldn’t stand the loneliness. Nights without her just feel so endless. I can’t imagine life without her so I decided to take a leap of faith. Big decisions aren’t really my thing, but she was the reason.
I proposed to her and gave her my mind, my body, and my soul. Bent on one knee, I asked for her hand in marriage and relinquished everything that I have to be hers too. She was the reason.
She cried. She cried for a good second, a good minute, a good hour. I was the reason.
She said, “As cliché as it may sound, it’s not you, it’s me.”
She cried because she realized she couldn’t commit her life to this taboo relationship. Her parents have never accepted what she is, and she can’t have them be mad at her forever. She cried because she doesn’t deserve the love I’m giving her – that I’ve changed so much for her and she doesn’t think it’s fair for me. She cried because she doesn’t want to marry me. She cried because she’s not happy anymore.
And I just sat there; staring blankly at the sheets we used to make love on, at the pillows we used to rest our heads on and at the blankets that we used to cover our naked bodies with.
I stood up and realized I can’t continue with my life – no reason, no rationale.